Withheld

I can feel the emotions churning inside

the maelstrom building,

the rapid cycling

disorganized

still distant

but their crushing impact is inevitabe

I'm still calm

my equilibrium undisturbed

...for the moment

reaching out

like I know I should,

I can speak evenly about

my strength and determination

and resiliency

while I am ripping apart inside

I cannot lay my burden aside

ever

I cannot collapse in to the emotions

that encouraging words elicit inside me

I can't let anyone see how it really is

I cannot be

vulnerable

but the lump in my throat

the pressure behind my eyes

the heaviness in my chest

they all attest to the approaching deluge

I dread that

once I am

finally

alone

I will be found

silently screaming

completely submerged

drowning in emotions

too powerful to contend with

tears will pour forth

and I will

surrender to the pain

...longing for comfort

yet only able to

imagine it